I’ve been noticing lately how often my clients are holding their breath. I try the subliminal cue of taking a big, noisy breath and letting it out, but they aren’t joining in. What is going on here? Well actually, I know what’s going on. It’s stress, of course. Stress is a word we throw around quite often these days. In fact, I’ve begun to believe it’s a little trendy to be stressed. “Oh, I’m so stressed with all the work I have to do and all my pressures at home.” In other words, look at how important I am with everything I am doing. Now, before you reach for your rotten tomato to lob in my direction, please know that not only do I understand, but I have been known to indulge in this kind of talk myself.

This acclimation to the soup of stress that we live in can also be somewhat deceiving. We think, “Well, if everyone is so stressed, it can’t be that bad, can it?” Actually, it can. Let’s be clear here. Stress is a fancy word for fear. We certainly don’t want to admit to our neighbor or coworkers, and certainly not to ourselves that we are afraid, so we use the word stress. But there it is. We live in a soup of fear. Blah, that sounds terrible, doesn’t it? Are you thinking, “Shari, this is not making me feel better.” True, so let’s use one of my favorite tools to deal with overwhelm and fear. Let’s chunk it down and try to understand what is going on so that we can get some clues about what to do about it.

Let’s start with a look at this tendency to hold in breath. This is a symptom of what I’ve been talking about. According to Psychology Today, “Usually, breath holding occurs under stress or threat. It can also occur when we are anticipating something or wanting something to happen: this is the origin of the phrase, ‘Don’t hold your breath!’ when expected things may not come true.” Interestingly, some experts have coined the term, “email apnea” to describe how we often hold our breath during deep concentration at work. The negative impacts of this seemly trivial bad habit cascade from starving our bodies of oxygen and nitric oxide which imbalances the immune system to janking up the vagus nerve which is meant to kick our bodies into rest and digest mode, a thing we need in order to have that tiny little thing we all want, good health.

Think of it this way, we have influences and make choices that confront us with experiences that we perceive as a threat of harm (physical, emotional, intellectual or energetic) or a threat of disappointment or lack. Let’s be clear, this threat need not be real. To the subconscious, even fictional or imagined fears are as real as the 3D ones. As Mark Twain put it, “I am an old man, and have known a great many troubles, most of which never happened.” What goes on in the mind primes your body. Fill your mind with ease and joy, and your body will respond. This is a two way street, though. What goes on in your body primes your mind.

What does this mean? It means that you can hack this constant state of stress in many ways. You can do tai chi, yoga or meditate. Or choose energy healing, massage or breathing techniques. Some people do better with exercise or martial arts. Other people respond to self soothing acts like soaking in a tub or time in nature. You can fill your mind with calming or inspiring images through guided imagery or just taking the time to look at things that are beautiful or uplifting. You can do things that fill you with joy. 

You can also face your fears by writing them down and making a plan about what to do about them, or get a counselor or life coach. If you find yourself ruminating, complaining, blaming and the like, stop, take a breath and ask yourself, “What can I do to feel like I have some power to change this?” If you don’t have an answer, start looking. There are so many fantastic thought leaders available to us right now. We are amazingly fortunate. Some of my favorites are Jack Canfield, Jen Sincero and Chris Guillebeau. And turn off the junk that fills you with images of violence, selfishness and the worst that life has to offer. It is crowding out the good. 

This world is a good place. There is an abundance of all the things that make life safe and meaningful, and you are important, just as you are. Remember, take a breath, relax, you are the leader of your own life. You make great choices. It might be time though, to tweak that a little and shut off the noise, inside your head or out, and remove yourself from the soup of stress.